Is This My Story to Tell?

I spend a lot of time thinking about digital trust. It's the core of why I do what I do. And there's a vulnerability in our culture that sits heavily on my mind.

It's not a software bug. It's a human habit.

It's our need to "present" our lives. We post our dinners, our parties, our check ins, our new jobs. We're building a public story of our lives, moment by moment. And that's our choice.

The problem starts when we start telling someone else's story at the same time.

We post a group photo and tag everyone. We check in at a "surprise party," ruining the surprise for others. We're so busy telling our story that we forget to ask if it's our story to tell.

And this habit, this vulnerability, goes to a much deeper and more dangerous level when it involves children.

A friend can at least ask you to take a photo down. A child can't. They have no voice, no choice, and no way to consent to their entire life being posted online.

This isn't just about "social media etiquette." It's a fundamental issue of safety, privacy, and trust.

The Vulnerability: A Spectrum of Danger

When we post about others without their permission, we are creating a vulnerability. And that vulnerability sits on a spectrum, from embarrassment all the way to immediate, physical danger.

1. The Physical Danger (This is Not a "What If")

This is the hardest part to talk about, and the most important. I need to be blunt: public posts are a tool for abusers and predators.

A stalker can find their target through a friend's tagged photo. An abusive ex partner, who someone has bravely fled, can find their new city, their new apartment, or their new workplace from a single, innocent group photo.

And when it comes to children, this danger is magnified. When we post "Happy 5th Birthday to Leo Smith!" with a picture of him in his 'Eastview Elementary' t shirt, we are handing a map to people who hunt for children. We are telling them a child's full name, their date of birth, and the exact location they can be found, five days a week.

This is not an abstract problem. It is a clear and present danger.

2. The Data Danger (The "Digital Clue" File)

On top of the immediate safety risk, there's the data risk. When I see a post that says, "Happy 5th Birthday to Leo Smith!" with a picture of him in his 'Eastview Elementary' t shirt... I see a security problem. That's a full name, an exact date of birth, and a school name. It's a starter kit for identity theft. A child's credit is a "ghost profile" that can be used by scammers for years before anyone would ever notice. We are building their digital footprint for them, and it's one they can never erase.

3. The Trust Danger (The Human Core)

This is the human core of it all. When a friend has to ask, "Hey, can you untag me?" a little piece of digital trust is broken.

But with a child, it's a breach of trust they can't even protest. Imagine being 14 and discovering that your entire childhood, your baths, your tantrums, your embarrassing moments, is a searchable, public archive. An archive you never agreed to. An archive that was created for "likes" by the people you trusted most.

Turning the Question on Myself

It's easy to point fingers. But that's not what I'm about. That's not what this space is for.

So, I've been turning this question back on myself. How can I be better at this in my own life?

This isn't just a "parenting" problem. It's a consent problem. And I can be better about that.

• How do I post about my friends? Do I post that group photo and tag everyone without asking? Do I share a funny story about someone that might embarrass them?

• How can I be a better digital friend? When I see a friend sharing everything publicly, maybe I can gently (and privately!) ask, "Hey, have you ever used the 'Friends Only' album feature? It's pretty great for family photos." It's not a lecture. It's just a helpful, "I'm on your team" offer.

• How can I champion consent in my own life? I've adopted a new personal rule. It's a simple question I ask myself before I hit "post," "share," or "tag":

"Is this my story to tell?"

If the answer is, "It's only partly my story," then my next step is simple: I ask.

• "Hey, I got a group shot. Is everyone okay with me posting it?"
• "Mind if I tag you? No pressure."
• "This is a great photo of us, do you like it?"

It takes five seconds. That's it. Five seconds to respect someone's privacy, to protect their safety, and to prove that you are a person who can be trusted.

This isn't about stopping all sharing. Connection is what makes us human. But by pausing, by being mindful, and by asking that one simple question, we're not just being better friends.

We're helping build a digital world that's a little bit safer, and a whole lot more built on trust.